The first leg of our TGA jouney

Soon after Hunter was born I was planning out when we would try for the next one. I even told my mom and had a birthday party for Lydia when she turned 4 because I would have a new baby when she turned 5. We bought a van and a big house. Life was on track. Month one of trying, I didn't get pregnant. I bought an expensive diaper bag to console myself. Months 2,3,4, and 5 passed by. I sold the diaper bag. I thought maybe the Lord was trying to tell me something, or test me to see if I really wanted another baby. I secretly hoped it would be twins. I tried to enjoy my kids, but I was grumpy because I wasn't pregnant. Why wasn't this working? More months, more frustration.
We had bought a new mattress the year before and I never fell in love with it. It made me stiff and uncomfortable and I had a sneaking suspicion that was why I couldn't conceive. I tried sleeping in a different bed but stressed if that would work or not. We had been trying for 8 months and I couldn't handle it anymore. I sold our mattress on Craigslist and we got a new one. My back was driving me nuts as well so I started going to the chiropractor. BAM! I got pregnant. I can't say it was either one of those things that made a difference but it was quite a coincidence. Still I worried. I am horrible at taking my prenatal vitamins and I worried that something would be wrong with the baby because of it. However, I put my worries aside and found myself enjoying being pregnant finally.
Meanwhile, my sister found out that her unborn baby was going to be born with some brain deformities. The doctors offered very little hope and she and her husband prepared to lose their son before he was even born. My other sister discovered a lump in her breast and was diagnosed with stage three breast cancer. She is only 26. A few days after she told us, I was schedule for my 20 week ultrasound. I really didn't think we could all have bad things happen to us so close together so I hoped for the best. During the ultrasound, I saw the heart and proudly exclaimed that I could see all four chambers. The brain looked normal as far as the tech could tell. I thought we were in the clear. Then the tech went out and came back it. "The doctor needs a few more pictures of his (yes HIS! another boy!) heart." When the tech left I told Theron, "I can deal with a heart problem, hearts are fixable."
We were escorted into another room to meet with the doctor. She didn't mince words. "We saw that your baby has a heart deformity called transposition of the greater arteries." She drew a picture and explained what them meant. Then, "When there is a heart defect we wonder why- many times there is a chromosomal defect and your child may have DiGeorges syndrome." (I have come to hate that doctor for her words because after an hour with the genetic counselor who offered little help, I researched TGA and found there is little to no correlation between DiGeorges syndrome and this heart defect. Ugh!) We set up an appointment for a fetal echocardiogram and they sent us home. The next week was a haze. I had that headache you get after you cry even if I hadn't been. I googled, I prayed, I cried. I imagined that maybe the echo would find that my baby's heart was perfectly normal. It was then that I had the thought that my baby would be OKAY. Peace flooded over me and I realized that no matter what he would be ok. I know we have a long road ahead of us, and I don't know how it will go. He will have to have open heart surgery his first week of life. There could be complications. He really could have developmental delays. He will need to be monitored the rest of his life.

We have spent the months since learning all we can about what and how things will happen when this little angel is born. I transferred all of my prenatal care to a maternal fetal medicine practice in Portland that will deliver me in the hospital adjoining the best children's hospital in the area. I guess I am considered "high risk" even though the baby is fine and growing normally, it is only after he is born that he will have difficulties. We have had multiple ultrasounds, echo cardiograms, fetal monitoring sessions, etc. We have toured the Pediatric ICU, Neonatal ICU, and met with the cardio-thoracic surgeon, cardiologists and other NICU doctors. They've all told us how they think it will go, but there are variations, so we really don't know exactly.  I may or may not get to snuggle him before they whisk him away to perform life-saving interventions. I may or may not get to hold him much. His heart surgery could be 2 days to a week after he is born. His chest may or may not remain open after surgery for a few days.

Despite it all, I haven't been anxious about this baby. Of course I'm worried and I know it's going to be hard, but for now it's out of my control.